remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
