Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
