If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize