So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
