I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
