another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
