Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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