lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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