I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
