Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
