At least make sure they are 18
Why
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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