i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
