My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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