Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
