PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
