I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
