You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
