and my herpes radar will keep us safe
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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