Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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