Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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