Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sobbing to NWA
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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