tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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