Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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