he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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