The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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