I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
