Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
3 2 1 whiskey
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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