I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
