He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize