dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
