Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My feet surprised me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
