Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
