I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
