I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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