I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
