we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Every concussion has its silver lining
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the liver wants what the liver wants
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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