I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
