Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
