mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
