The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize