they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
