trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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