...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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