I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
