my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
