I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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