she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
