her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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