I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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