And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
