ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
