We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
