is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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