We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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