Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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