What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
