i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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