people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
