booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Im part way to drunk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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