from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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