just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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