weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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