Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
