I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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