Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
