Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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